Dated On A Dare

When I was in middle school a boy asked me out and dated me for two months…on a dare. I was inspired to share this story after blogger Stephanie Yeboah ( http://www.nerdabouttown.com ) shared her personal expertise with being asked out on a dare. I highly recommend her blog, instagram, and twitter so make sure you follow her!

We were in 7th grade and I had just turned 13. I had previously transferred to an arts magnet school but had to transfer back to my zoned school mid year due to severe bullying (including death threats) for being fat. Kids would grab my stomach and shake it, stick pencils and markers down my pants while I sat in class, push me in the hallways, and say horrible things, most of which iv’e blocked out of my memory. When asked for guidance on how to handle the bullying, the principle at the magnet school told my my parents that I should stop drawing attention to myself and lay low…yikes. So even though I had been bullied at my zoned school as well, I didn’t rice death threats and the prickle was slightly more receptive. So there I am, middle of the year in the 7th grade, vulnerable and defeated. Then along came Zack (name NOT changed because fuck you, dude).

Zack was new to school too, but from another state so he was even newer than me and knew no one. He was small and cute with a Justin Bieber vibe (before JB was a thing). I don’t remember what class we had together because middle school was genuinely so traumatic I blocked most of it out of my memory (except that one time I left my hello kitty coffee travel mug full of coffee in my locker for a week and it got all chunky and gross. that I will never forget.). Zack was tan, word a puka bead necklace and smelled strongly of axe body spray. When I saw him I immediately passed a note to my friend telling her how cute I thought Zack was. She replied that her boyfriend and Zack were friends and she could try to set us up. OMG!

After many notes passed and flirting at the local skate park where Zack and my friends boyfriend made very failed attempts at skate boarding, Zack asked me to be his girlfriend. For about two months the four of us went to movie and coffee shops and had inside jokes. Zack was the second boy I had ever kissed but the first one I had other physical experiences with, making our bond feel very real and intense to my naive teenage brain.  Everything was so perfect and such a relief from the abuse school environment I had escaped. I felt like I belonged and maybe the years or relentless bullying were behind me. Little did I know Melanie had other plans for me (name NOT changed because fuck you Melanie!).

I don’t remember how Zack dumped me. I don’t know if it was over the phone, or in a note, or to my face. All I remember is sitting in the bleachers in gym glass sobbing like there had been a death. I was surround by a few girlfriends one of which was my best friends friend Melanie. Melanie and I were friends in 5th grade but some odd unspoken rivalry began to brew either because she was bored or because we were both actresses and she felt threatened. She was always catty and snarky to me but in a subtle enough way that kept her from getting in trouble at school and tricked our other friends into thinking she was nice. Sounds kind of like Regina George from Mean Girls, right? Well Melanie would have taken that as a compliment. If your familiar with Mean Girls, Melanie was Regina, I was Caddy and my best friend was a combo of Karen and Gretchen. (It was 2005 so obviously Mean Girls was a huge part of our lives.)

While comforting me on the bleachers with the other girls, Melanie called Zack over and told him to hug me. It was super awkward and strange that 1. my ex was comforting me about OUR breakup and 2. he did what she told him to do. After school I was supposed to go to drama club, which consisted of mostly 5th graders who had no idea what they were doing, Melanie, and me. I considered skipping but decided it would be a good outlet for my emotions. When I arrived everyone was seated in a circle of chairs and sitting right next to Melanie was-Zack!? I sat down, totally in shock and the drama teacher says “Everyone, welcome our new member Zack!”. People clapped. I held back vomit. Melanie then puts her arm around Zack and gently touches his nose saying “Alexis, don’t you think his little sunburn is cute? I think its cute.” Some one call a priest to exercise the regina George demon out of this bitches body!

I ran out of the room crying, and had a full blown panic attack in the bathroom. My best friend got out of cheer practice and I rode home with her, still sobbing uncontrollably. I remember her dad sweetly asking “is there anything I can do?” and my best friend saying “I don’t think so.”. We watch Selena and Gilmore Girls and I cried so much I’m surprised I didn’t need IV fluids. Later that night Zack called me to apologize. Thats when he told me that he had asked me out on a dare. He asked Melanie out months ago and she rejected him. when he persisted she dared him to ask me out instead and said if he did and reported every little detail of our relationship back to her and then broke up with me, that she would reward him by going out with him. I had never felt so violated before. Even all the verbal and physical abuse and the death threats at my old school, this was the most demoralizing thing that had ever been done to me. Our entire relationship had been a lie and a joke. I was broken.

Thankfully High School was a different story. I had boyfriends and good friends and people thought I was hot. There were plenty of people who hated me and thought I was gross but It was much more even. But I never really shook that shame and humiliation from years of extreme bullying and it manifested in codependent and paranoid behavior in my relationships and friendships. Thats because people thinking you’re hot doesn’t fix your problems. You have to love yourself to be happy. It wasn’t until the past few years that I finally became the strong unbreakable woman I am today.  COME AT ME MELANIE.

Something I need people reading this to understand is this happens to fat poeple all the time. I promise almost every single fat person has a story about being the butt of a dating dare or joke. When I read Stephanie Yeboah’s story online and read the comments they were divided into two types of people. People who are/were fat and had a similar experience and people who are not fat and blame HER for what happened to her. Let me make this very clear: a person being fat doesn’t give someone that right to abuse them verbally or physically. Someone else weight is not only none of your business but its absolutely not free pass to say or do whatever you want to them. Fat people deserve respect, period. We don’t owe you thinness. Being thin is not a requirement from being treated with basic human decency.

To my fellow plus size girls and women, you are beautiful. You’re more than a body and you are worthy of respect and love. There are more people in this world who accept you than there are who don’t, but unfortunately hate is louder. #standuptobeautystandards and show the world you don’t need anyones permission to love yourself. They don’t like like it? They can kiss our fat asses!