Stand Up To Beauty Standards

Author: Alexandra K Dz

  • Eleven Bridal: Helping Curvy Women Find The Perfect Bridal Gown

    IMG-0187(current dress selection at Eleven Bridal, Nashville TN)

    The wedding industry in a multi billion dollar industry(53.4 billion as of 2013) and there are approximately 2.5million weddings in America every year. 68% of women in America are a size 14 or above. When shopping for a formal gown you often size up once or twice, so the average American women would probably purchase a size 16-18 gown. Yet, plus size women have a much harder time finding quality wedding gowns! If you’ve ever shopped for a plus size wedding gown, then you know that bridal shops have a very limited amount of gowns in plus sizes. The few gowns they do carry are often plain or matronly and rarely what the bride is looking for. Often the bridal shop will offer to order a gown if it comes in your size but they don’t have your size to try on. so they squeeze you into a gown 3 sizes too small using clips or their own hands to hold it together and instead of feeling like a princess you feel like the Incredible Hulk.

    IMG-0182.JPG(some of my favorite sparkly gowns from Eleven Bridal)

    Every woman deserves to try on beautiful gowns and feel like a queen. Its a day many women have dreamed of their whole lives and choosing a gown should be an exciting experience. 68% of women shouldn’t be forced to order online or choose from a limited selection of mediocre gowns. There are a handful of Bridal shops dedicated only to plus size brides but until now the closest plus size bridal shop to Nashville was 5 hours away in Atlanta. Now we have our very own gorgeous plus size Bridal shop, Elven Bridal Curvy Couture! Eleven bridal, the first and only plus size bridal shop in Nashville, carries sizes 12-32 ON THE RACK…thats right, on the rack! All of heir gowns are high quality, and a variety of styles to choose from. Eleven Bridal is a family owned business with a mission to help plus size brides find the perfect gown for their special day.

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    I had the pleasure of attending the grand opening of Eleven Bridal and it is lovely! Every appointment is private so that every bride receives a personal and intimate experience. My beautiful blogger friend Melissa (aka Fabglance, http://www.fabglance.com) and I decided to collaborate on an in-depth look into the Eleven Bridal experience! Keep a look out for this fun collab where we play dress up and receive the ultimate bridal treatment!

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    Eleven Bridal will be at The Pink Bride bridal show in Nashville Sunday January 13th from 11-4! Myself and 3 stunning models will representing Eleven Bridal in their breathtaking gowns! Id love to see you there! For ticket info visit http://www.thepinkbride.com .

    I’m excited to work with such a wonderful company and to share my experience with you all! To book an appointment visit http://www.elevenbridal.com or call 615-722-7433.

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    (Eleven Bridal, 6901 Lenox Village Drive Suite 102 Nashville TN)

  • Positivity Isn’t Happy

    Positivity isn’t happy. Positivity isn’t cheerful, peppy, perky, blissful, unbothered, and

    tickled pink. So often I hear people bashing the “positive vibes only” narrative saying

    that its fake and people who preach positivity aren’t allowing people to experience

    the full spectrum of human emotions. this is just false. Lets break this down, shall

    we? (all tea, no shade.)

    pos·i·tiv·i·ty

    /ˌpäzəˈtivədē/

    noun
    1.
    the practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude.
    2.
    the presence rather than absence of a certain substance, condition, or feature.

    In this definition (thanks Google!) you see no mention of backflips, women laughing  

    while eating salads (Google THAT you’ll thank me), rainbows, unicorns, or shit that

    smells like roses. It’s about optimism. It’s the difference between sitting in your broken-

    down car crying, and getting out and pushing. Positivity is looking at your mess-of-a-

    situation and saying, “Wow this is awful. I’m going to cry about this a lot. Then I’m going

    to figure this out.” Positivity is saying, “This seems impossible, I feel really defeated, and

    insecure. but I have to keep trying.” Because honestly, if  you’re going through Hell why

    would you stop? Why stop in hell?

     

    Adopting a positive outlook isn’t always going to be like a montage from Legally Blonde

    “What, like it’s hard?” Yes. Yes it is. (Also I really hope you get my legally blonde

    reference). My point here is that, sure, some people are good at everything and success

    comes naturally and they’re hella rich and pretty and everything is easy peasy lemon

    squeezy. But for most of us Positive Pollys out here, this shit is difficult difficult lemon

    difficult. For me, positivity often looks like frustrated tears, self doubt, risks, fear of those

    risks, burning the midnight oil, exhaustion, and did I mention tears? But the thing is, I

    keep going. I keep moving forward toward my goals. I pick myself up and power through

    the difficult times the best I can. Sometimes I’m brave and bold and strong and I eat

    haters for breakfast. But even if im kicking and screaming the whole way barely

    surviving…I SURVIVE. I come out on the other side and I heal like wolverine because I

    refuse to surrender to the negativity. Positivity is the glimmer of hope that keeps you

    moving when you just want to lay down and give up.

     

    So when I say “positive vibes only” I mean “Get your toxic, self sabotaging, negative

    energy away from me.”  Because my positivity is a fragile little flower that I need to

    nurture and protect and while we welcome rain clouds, those forest fires can  %@!# off!

     

    (photographer: H.N. James @punkrockfoto )

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  • “Just Five More Minutes”

    I’m so tired.

    Not just tired, like after a long day when you’re ready to cozy up in bed.

    I’m exhausted.

    I’ve exhausted all my energy to speak, motivation to move, desire to be.

    I’m drained.

    I’m drained completely of the liveliness in me, left empty and pale skinned.

    I’m sorry.

    I’m sorry, the inbox you’ve reached is full. I’ll call back. Maybe later. No I won’t.

    Fifteen hours.

    I slept for fifteen hours and all I did was have nightmares of losing people I love.

    Fifteen hours.

    In fifteen hours I could’ve gone to work, hit the gym, walk the dog, cooked dinner.

    I login.

    I login for the first time in 24 hours and that was a mistake. The world is on fire.

    I’m aching.

    My back aches from laying down, my stomach from hunger, my head, who knows.

    I should shower.

    If I shower maybe I could wash away the worry and drowsy, but then I’d have to stand.

    I’m guilty.

    I feel overwhelmingly guilty for not using my legs, my time, my breath in my lungs.

    I’m lucky.

    I know I’m lucky to be alive, to be loved, to have the opportunities I hold in my hands.

    I’m tired.

    I’m just so tired today, I’ll call back tomorrow, I’ll create tomorrow, I’ll post tomorrow.

     

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  • An Emotional Essay On Diet Culture

    There is a concept that seemed so obvious after I had the realization, something that should be a given, something you shouldn’t have to learn. But society has beauty standards with roots so deep that we accept diet culture as the norm. Okay let me blow your mind: It’s not healthy to have a weight loss goal. Okay before anyone complains *eye roll* obviously I’m not referring to people who are morbidly obese. If someone weighs 600 lbs, it makes perfect sense for them to have a weight loss goal, but their goal is health based, not aesthetic. However, a woman who is (for example) 180 lbs, exercises regularly, eats nutritious foods, and has no medical conditions such as diabetes or thyroid disease, is still strongly encouraged to lose weight.

    Why? She is living a balanced healthy lifestyle. But according to her BMI she should weigh 130 lbs and her size 12 jeans are considered “plus size”  so this healthy person is now on a mission lose 50 lbs (thats a TON believe me i’ve done it). Here’s the problem, she’s already healthy so regular nutritious food and exercise isn’t working. Her body has hit its happy weight (natural state) but diet culture calls this a “plateau’ and when you reach this point your encouraged to exercise HARD and and restrict foods that are essential to your actual health like carbs and fats. This is the part were our healthy woman runs so hard she gets shin splints, lifts so much that she has a slipped disk in her back and is only consuming 1200 calories a day. She’s losing weight and people tell her she looks “so good” and all the smoothies and gym selfies are proof of how healthy she is right? Wrong. Her body is in pain, lacking energy, and worst of all her mental health is declining. Isn’t she supposed to feel better? Why is she never satisfied, why is she afraid to eat around her friends, why is she always exhausted.

    You see, she was healthier at 180 lbs size 12 than at 130 size 6. Because that’s how HER body works. All bodies are different and we have to just accept that! But we have been brainwashed to believe that healthy is under a size 8 and under 140 lbs and you must exercise as hard as possible and eat as little as possible to get there. FALSE. To be healthy all you have to do is eat mostly nutritious food (not junk or fast food), exercise regularly and safely, drink water, meditate, and get fresh air. If you aren’t doing these things, and then you start, your body will adjust accordingly which may result in weight loss which just means your body is finding its happy place. Or maybe you gain weight, which is also okay because that probably means you needed to! Listen, if we all ate the same healthy food and did the same exercise, we would still all be different sizes! Striving to lose inches and pounds is not an attempt to be healthy, it’s an attempt to shrink yourself to fit society’s mold. Don’t fall into that trap! Because I did, and it caused a lot of heartache.

    I was a chubby kid even though I ate really healthy and my skinny friends ate Little Debbie cakes and Pop Tarts. I had my thyroid checked and all was well, so it was decided I just  had a slower metabolism than most kids my age. I also didn’t play sports because I hated sports and preferred books. So my parents though I might enjoy the gym instead, and I did! Turns out I loved exercise, just not with a bunch of screaming children (who would honestly?). I ended up slimming down naturally because my body found its “happy place” but I wasn’t trying to be smaller, just more active.

    However, I began getting so many compliments from adults about my smaller body that I began to believe that i was better for being smaller. That the smaller I got the better i’d be. That my purpose in life was to be smaller. I began starving myself a few days at a time and purging after big meals. The purging became addictive (big emotional release) and I continued that for several more years, and will struggle with bulimia for the rest of my life. My senior year of high school I was the woman I mentioned before, 180 lbs, size 12, healthy and balanced. But I HATED the way I looked because it didn’t fit into society’s beauty standards.

    I’m now 90 lbs heavier and 10 years older and WAY happier. There was a decade long journey that brought me to where I am now but that’s another story for another day. But I had to go through hell to find the truth and find my inner peace with my body. I feel like I’m awake now and I see diet culture for what it is, a predatory, billion dollar industry that preys on your insecurities and desire to be accepted. Am I currently physically healthy? I’m in the middle. No health issues (perfect blood tests and physicals) but I need to exercise more often and cook at home more. I’d love for my body to find its new happy place and I’m prepared to be patient and understanding with whatever changes may come. My only goal is to be healthier, not smaller. Not lesser. I love my body because it’s the only one I’ve got and life is too short to waste time hating myself or wishing I were someone else.

    I will not restrict, but I will nurture my body. I will not overexert but I will move and strengthen my body. I will not weigh and measure but respect and honor my body. I’m not a number on a scale, a number in a pair of jeans, a BMI, or a statistic. I’m human, with flawed and beautiful human flesh that I will strive to take care of so I can live a long happy life. Don’t feed into to diet culture. Starve it to death

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  • Bipolar Disorder: A Poem

    It’s scary how easily I transitioned

    from difficult child to crazy girlfriend

    To lost in her twenties to unhappy wife

    To a hospital room with fluorescent lights

    And monitored phone calls and plastic knives

    And shaving my legs under watchful eyes

     

    Its funny how often I was called immature

    Or defensive or aggressive or too self assured

    When inside I was horrified by my own brain

    But feeling like two people is hard to explain

    That kind of duality makes a person feel insane

    And relationships impossible to maintain

     

    My highs and my lows are a raging tidal wave

    And I’m a tiny sailboat my mother handmade

    And perhaps I’ll be lucky and weather the storm

    Or be swallowed up whole like all the times before

    Gasping for air until I’m washed up on shore

    Left naked and freezing and broken and sore

     

    It’s scary how many people saw the pain in me

    And also saw an opportunity  

    To purloin my body or contort my mind

    Until only a shell of me is left behind

    And my soul transcends space and time

    Floating in limbo neither dead nor alive

     

    I’ve become strong since I’ve begun to get well

    If someone is toxic i can usually tell

    Most people, though are well intentioned

    With their yoga and vitamin suggestions

    Which might work if I needed to aid my digestion

    But the fact is I’m sick. There’s no question.

     

    I’m sick. That’s okay. The world won’t end.

    And I no longer feel I have to pretend.

    There is a darkness in me that will never die

    And a fire in me that makes me high

    But the more I call it by its name

    I’m validated and less ashamed

    I’m not weak because I’m mentally ill

    Im brave because I’m breathing still.
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  • Oh Hey, I Blog Now?

    Okay I caved! I blog now (I think..honestly I have no idea what I’m doing lmfao). If you follow me on Instagram you know that I’m an actress and model with a passion for inspiring women to love their bodies, encouraging discussions about mental health, and motivating people to unapologetically follow their wildest dreams! I’m just a melinnial  trying to make art and be your friend! So in this blog shit is gonna get weird. Maybe I’ll post about fashion, or write an essay on the dangers of diet culture, or a poem about my mental health, or a draft of my latest comedy sketch for you to enjoy. This is seriously going to be a look into my mind and a catch all for whatever I am up to or working on. Kinda like that junk drawer in your kitchen that has random shit in it but every time you need birthday candles, a screw driver, or a hair tie you’re like ‘hey, thanks junk drawer!”. (don’t lie, we all have one. embrace it.) I love y’all and appreciate your endless support of my shenanigans. Thanks for being a pal and don’t forget to #standuptobeautystandards !

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