As some of you may know, Iāve been struggling with back issues all summer. A combination of an untreated injury from an accident years ago, a lack of strength training, a 20 year old hand-me-down mattress and recent fall resulted in my back completely giving out on me in June. I’m always busy with multiple projects in the works and I love the hustle! But it’s impossible to be on my A Game when I can’t even move. I was finally forced to address the issue and start taking care of myself. I was way overdue, and I definitely wish I had done it sooner! I started seeing an awesome chiropractor who suggested I start doing water aerobics and get a new mattress.
I began researching mattresses but I’d never had a new one before! Iāve always had hand-me-downs from family members. I remembered meeting the folks from Big Fig at Dream Big Midwest in Chicago and a lot of my blogger friends recommend them so I thought Iād reach out. I told Big Fig about my back problems, lack of self care, and desperate need for a good night’s sleep! We agreed that the issues I was having are all too common for others too, and decided I should test their mattress and share the results with all of you! I got the king size with the Big Fig foundation and frame. After about 4 weeks its safe to say the results are in, and I am IN LOVE. This mattress is my new best friend and I never want to get out of bed!
The qualities that really sold me on this mattress were the firmness, cooling technology, and durability. Big Fig is designed with larger bodies in mind, lasts longer and holds more weight. This mattress is a hybrid meaning it has both the individually wrapped innerspring system and high density specialty foams. The best of both worlds! I was worried that it would be too firm for me because Iām used to a much softer bed. It’s the perfect level of firmness! I feel fully supported, I sleep soundly through the night, and I wake up refreshed. Most importantly my back pain has improved greatly. Even when I was seeing my chiropractor I used to wake up stiff and for the first hour or so in the morning I would be limping around. Iām 27 years old for goodness sake! That’s crazy! But since Iāve been sleeping on my Big Fig I pop up in the morning feeling spry and ready to seize the day! The cooling technology keeps me from getting overheated at night. Foam mattresses have a bad reputation for getting too hot and that’s where Big Figās hybrid design comes in handy yet again!
I will update you in another month and let you know how things are going! So far my fiance and fur babies are loving it too! Iām happy to answer any questions you might have, but Big Fig also has an awesome FAQ section that is super informative! They also have a chat feature where you can talk directly to representative on their website. Big Fig is always so helpful and makes the whole process super easy, so don’t hesitate to reach out! Take advantage of the Labor Day sale and save $300 with code LABORDAY!
Iāve been singing the praises of Eleven Bridal Curvy Couture since they opened their doors in October 2018 and Iāve had the honor of modeling Eleven Bridal gown at various events and photo shoots. But now I’m a BRIDE (eeekkk!) and I have a whole new appreciation for Eleven Bridal and the amazing owner Taneka!
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If you don’t already know, Eleven Bridal is the only bridal shop in Tennessee that caters specifically to curvy brides. They carry a variety of high quality bridal gowns in sizes 12-34 on the rack! If you’ve ever shopped for a wedding dress as a person over a size 6 youāll understand the struggle! Bridal gowns generally require the bride to size up from their pant size between 1-3 sizes. So a lot of women don’t realize that they need āplusā options when they begin wedding dress shopping. And if you’re a true plus size (like me, a size 20) then you are discouraged from the get go. Read this blog post here about wedding dress shopping as a plus size bride (unfortunately i was married once before lol).
So when my prince charming popped the question I was so excited to start the journey of finding the perfect dress at Eleven Bridal! I scheduled my private appointment and invited my squad, three family members and three bridesmaids. It was so nice to have the whole shop to ourselves! We bought champagne and cookies and made a mini party out if it! Teneka is a pure light and joy by nature, so having her help me pick out gowns was so relaxed and fun! We chatted about my vision, preference and stye and she pulled dresses that fit exactly my description as well as dresses that pushed me a bit out of my comfort zone. And I’m so glad she did! I thought I wanted something poofy and super sparkling. I tried on poofy sparkly, classic, modern, girly, royalā¦ and if I hadn’t seen myself in such a variety of gowns I might have never found my perfect dress.
UPDATE:
My HUSBAND (yay!) and I said “I do” February 22, 2020 and my dress wasperfection! I wore my mothers veil as my “something old” and “borrowed” and it was so special to me. I also accessorized with a rhinestone belt from JJ’s House (only $15), earrings fromDillard’s (clearance $15), and silver glitter sneakers by Kate Spade and Keds (found at Goodwill for $8). After alterations on my dress, the total cost for my bridal look was only $785! I’m a girl with expensive taste and a bargain budget so I took my time to findpieces I loved and prices that worked for me. It’s never to early to start collecting all the little details of your ensemble so I recommend taking advantage of a great sale even if you’re worried it’s “too soon”. Don’t feel pressured to spend thousands of dollars if that’s not what works for you. You can absolutelyachieve your vision without breaking the bank and the first step is Eleven Bridal! There’s no better combination of quality and value! Most dresses at Eleven Bridal are under $2000 and they even have sales on occasion (Mine was 50% off!) so you can absolutelyfind a dress that fits your budget and makes everyone cry in a good way!
****Due to COVID-19 Eleven Bridal is temporarily closed until furthernoticebut they are stillreceivingnewshipment and adding gorgeous new gownsto their collection! You can get in contact with the team directly to book a futureappointment or discussalternatives!
Okay funny story: so @memphismanysue and I had been following each other on instagram for a while and we are both proudly partnered with Jessica London. A few months ago I started to notice a pattern…we not only do we post a bunch of the same outfits, our poses were even eerily similar! And it wasn’t just Jessica London clothes! We had the same Draper james outfits too!Ā What can I say, the girl has great style! I thought it was hilarious, so I made a bunch of side by side collages and posted them in my stories. Thankfully she got a kick out of it too. We got to talking about our similarities and thought it’d be fun to collaborate with each other for our August Jessica London picks. I chose two items, she chose two items, and we styled them independently. The results were so interesting because some of our looks and poses ended up being identically and some totally different!Ā
For this boho chic skirt, I opted for green khaki snake and Amanda went with black botanical floral. It also comes in white rose garden and black polka dot! I love this full skirt because it sits high on the waist and has a gorgeous twirl! I don’t usually go for a bohemian look but i’m really feeling it! Even though Amanda and I chose different patterns, we ended up styling our skirts really similarly!
This sweater gives me 90ās vibes! I chose classic red and Amanda opted for Ivory. It also comes in black, gemstone green, and wild berry. This is such a versatile piece and the perfect staple for your fall and winter wardrobe. It’s especially handy in the south were the weather can’t make up its mind and you end up with 75 degree weather in november! For this look Amanda and I went different directions. I went for a bit of an edgy look, while Amanda channeled her feminine side!Ā
This is such a cute little sweater! I think it’s super fun and flirty. Amanda and I not only chose the same color, Ivory, but we styled it and posed almost EXACTLY the same! Both our outfits give me a 60ās vibe and i’m here for it! Unfortunately this color is sold out. The good news is, it comes in three gorgeous fall jewel tones, dark emerald, dark berry, and ultra blue.Ā
This leather jacket is the perfect addition to any fall or winter look! I think amanda and I demonstrated that very well, because we ended up staying this jacket super differently. I selected black and created a look with a bit of edge. Amanda went for ultra blue and paired it with a dress for a girly vibe. Like many of jessica London’s pieces, this is a great staple piece for any wardrobe. Investment pieces like this will last for years and make an outfit look put together and complete!Ā
Jessica London always has awesome sales, and right now the fall collection is 30% off! AND Use code JLE40FS to take $20 off $60 or $40 off $100 purchase, plus free shipping with $85+! Don’t forget to tag me in your Jessica London pics on instagram. Happy shopping yall!
Plus size women are supposed to wear black because itās slimming and flattering??? Ummmā¦How about no! I love a little black dress as much as the next girl but this curvy babe loves bright colors and bold patterns! Jessica London is my favorite place to find fun and fabulously printed tops that stand out. Because who wants to blend in? Not me!Ā
Speaking of fashion rules, apparently youāre not supposed to wear sparkles after your 20s. Well Iām not 30 yet but I donāt care how old I get, I will continue to wear sparkles for the rest of my days because life is too short to be dull! I love this shimmery gold top from Jessica London. Itās so soft on the inside which can be rare when it comes to sparkly clothing. And as an added comfort itās actually super stretchy! This is the perfect top to pair with casual jeans, a tutu skirt, a sleek pencil skirt, leather pants or pretty much anything because sparkles are the new black!
Maybe itās because I was a major cheetah girls fan growing up or maybe itās just my wild side but I am absolutely obsessed with animal print. I love this cheetah print top because the bright blue is so fun and the little keyhole is modern and flirty. This top is so comfy and spunky it has my name all over it!
Who doesnāt love a good Taylor Swift quote? Snakeskin print was something I was a little nervous about wearing and Iām not exactly sure why. Maybe because it was reminiscent of something that a rich 80s housewife would wear to a cocktail party. But fashion nowadays has become so playful that I am willing to take risks and I am so glad that I did! Nothing makes me feel more fierce than a bad ass snakeskin print blouse. I feel like an unstoppable diva!
Iāve said it before and Iāll probably say it again, (LOL) but yellow is such a happy color! I didnāt own a lot of yellow before I started partnering with Jessica London but they offer such a great variety of colors that I decided to step out of my comfort zone. Now bright yellow is one of my favorite colors to wear. It makes me feel cheerful as if I can light up a room! And of course, I am always a fan of a floral print.
I know thereās tons of fashion advice out there. People telling you to dress for your skin tone, to dress for your body type, to dress for your age. But you need to dress for you! I know that it might not happen overnight, but I believe itās so important to try to forget everything youāve ever been told about what youāre supposed to do or what looks good on you. I challenge you to just start wearing what you like to wear no matter what anyone thinks! Fashion is an art and people might have a lot of opinions but there are no wrong answers. Accept yourself and express yourself!
By now it’s no mystery that I am a huge Jessica London fan! But I mean, come one, can you blame me? Jessica London is an online women’s clothing retailer that carries sizes 10-32 in a variety of styles and trends both classic and new! There’s truly something for everyone and that’s not something you see often! Right now Jessica London is having an awesome sale, an extra $25 off orders $50+ plus free shipping on order $75+ with code JLESUMMER25! So before you rush over for your new summer wardrobe, I put together a little look book of my favorite Jessica London Summer styles!
The Every Occasion Dress
There’s honestly no better feeling than finding THE perfect dress. You know the one! The dress that fits practically every occasion, is comfortable AND cute! Well this is *that* dress and babe, it has pockets! I know, I know, you’re welcome! This dress is currently available in sizes 12-28 and also comes in floral print!
Peppy Pink Blazer (aka the Barbie Blazer)
Everyone needs a good blazer for work, interviews and networking events because nothing says, Iām professional and fabulous like a sharp blazer! Pink is my signature color so I love adding this Jessica London blazer to any neutral outfit for a pop of summer color and a flare of Lexi! Pink not your thing? Fear not! This blazer comes in white as well! This stye is currently available in size 12-28. JL also carries a variety of blazers in many other colors if you’re in need of a classic back or grey!
Date Night Dress
Summer style is all about colors! Iāve been gravitating toward sunny happy yellow this season! This bow sleeve dress is the perfect dress for a night on the town that will surely help you make a statement. This dress is currently available in sizes 12-24, and is only one of many eye catching, brightly colored pieces Jessica London has to offer.
Classic Black and White
As much as I love bright fun colors, sometimes a girl just needs a classic black and white look (paired with red lips, of course!) Itās a timeless trend that compliments everyone. You can’t go wrong! These Tummy Control Twill Ankle Pants are both comfortable and chic! They come in a variety of colors and patterns and are currently available in size 12-28. This black and white Lace Tunic is refined with a bit of flare. This feminine and flouncy top is currently available in sizes 12-26.
The Ultimate Comfy Fit
This last outfit is hands down the most comfortable summer look ever! This soft Cross Neck Tunic is both flattering and versatile and is currently available in sizes 12-32 as well as different colors and patterns! These stretchy and stylish Palazzo Pants are also available in sizes 12-32 as well multiple colors and patterns. Whether you’re chillinā in your backyard, running errands, or attending an outdoor concert, this is a go-to for those hot summer days!
Iād love to see what goodies you find, so be sure to post a pic of you in your new outfit on instagram and tag @lexinimmo and @jessicalondonstyle! If you want to be featured on the Jessica London page, use hashtag #imwithjessica. For a feature on my page, be sure to use my hashtag #standuptobeautystandards! Happy shopping, y’all!
On May 4th 2019 I had the privilege of being a part of the most supportive and accepting athletic activities of my life: The Plus StrutĀ 5K! The Plus Strut, founded by Joy Tribble, is the first 5K for plus size women in North America and it takes place annually in Atlanta Georgia. The first Plus Strut 5K was in 2018 but this year was my first time and I was emotional!
Growing up chubby was hard. I wonāt get in to all the gory details but I was laughed at and teased on a daily basis. Gym glass was my waking nightmare! The kids who were fat yet athletic didnāt get made fun of and the kids who were thin but not athletic only got teased a little, but I was Ā fat and horrible at sports and therefore, the perfect combination for bullies. I was a slow runner, had weak wrists, and always coward when a bal came my way. Letās just say I was a lot better at reading than I was at kickball! Even though I enjoyed being active and outdoors I would dread physical activity with my peers because I would get yelled at and called names for not being good at it and my chubby body was blamed. I not only felt inferior in my athletic abilities but also in my appearance.
After years of this emotional abuse that was ignored and sometimes encouraged by the adults I was supposed to be able to trust, I developed a lot of anxiety about exercising with others. I would opt for working out at the gym solo during hours that werenāt busy or doing a home arobics Ā video. I had walked a few 5Ks before for charity but felt so anxious and out of place that I didnāt enjoy myself at all. But in the past couple of years I began a self love journey that has been so healing and empowering. I truly feel at peace with my body. When I was asked to be an ambassador for the Plus Strut 5K I jumped at the chance thinking those fears from my past were behind me! That wasnāt completely true.
The night before the race I was sick to my stomach with nerves. I was thinking up excuse to get me out of it. A migraine, my period, diarrhea, ANYTHING. It sounds ridiculous but if you struggle with anxiety you understand that fight or flight instinct: I was ready to fly my ass right outta Atlanta! But as I was laying in bed in our Air Bnb I thought about my thousands of followers whom I preach body acceptance to everyday. I thought about my two amazing friends and supportive boyfriend who came to support this amazing event. I thought about the other women who would be strutting with me who are also scared. Finally I thought about chubby, sad, 9 year old Lexi and how much she needed a community like this. I decided that no matter how nervous I was I would chose to be brave and follow through. This was my chance to be the change I wish to see in the world , even if itās in a small way.
Boy am I happy I didnāt give up! Words cannot truly describe how validating it is to be surrounded by women who look like you, are cheering you on, and leaning on each other. At The Plus Strut I witnessed more sisterhood and positivity than I have my entire life. Some of us were fast, some of us were slow. Young and old, different races, various shapes, multiple Ā levels of physical ability and all sisters in this journey of self love and respect. We laughed, cried, danced, and celebrated each other! Just when I wasnāt sure if I could kee going, a woman would tell me āyouāre doing great, you got this!ā. When I finished as one of the very last to cross the finish line, I was met with the same level of enthusiasm and congratulations as if Iād fished in first place! I felt seen, represented and like I truly belonged.
May 2nd 2020, save the date! Thatās when we will be strutting next, and I want you all strutting by my side. As The Plus Strut slogan says, this ones for us!
Whether you’re a small business, artist, public figure, blogger, influencer etc. nowadays, we all have one thing in common: social media. Social media has not only become a huge part of our personal lives but itās now an extremely valuable marketing tool that could make or break your personal brand. But growing a quality following no easy feat! There’s more to a strong online presence than pretty pictures or clever captions. There are algorithms, community guidelines, and a ton of competition so unfortunately the odds are stacked against you. There are, however, a few things you can do to be sure you’re staying on top of it and putting your best post forward!
First, lets focus on your content. You want to post pictures with bright vivid colors that pop and catch the attention of your scrolling followers. You never want to post pictures with words on them (memes, flyers, etc.) because the algorithm prefers pictures of faces. Other pictures get much less traffic. Itās important to post things that are interesting and on brand. Your followers follow you for YOU so even when you switch it up a bit, remember who you are. That being said, you don’t want your content to get stale so be sure to take pictures with various backgrounds and poses and try not to post pictures that are too similar.
Obviously itās best to use a DSLR camera to take photos, but smart phones are so advanced now, with proper lighting an iPhone or Android will do! Lighting is everything. You want to be sure you pictures are well lit, bright and clear. You can find light kits and ring lights on Amazon for less than $200 but if you’re tight on cash or don’t have lights handy, natural daylight will do. When taking pictures in natural light, be careful of shadows and over exposure. You will need to edit your photos to put the final professional touches on them but avoid instagram and snapchat filters. Instead, try apps like VSCO or LightRoom. I use the free version of VSCO for all of my original photos! When writing your captions keep in mind who your audience is. Captions can be long, thoughtful paragraphs or a short and sweet quote or lyric. Experiment with different kinds of captions and see what your followers respond to best. Whatever you write, be sure you’re staying true to your voice and authentic to who you are! Ā Ā
It’s extremely important to know what your brand is. What is your niche? What are your goals for your social media account and what do you offer to your followers? These can be really tough questions to answer but the best way to nail down your niche is by asking yourself āwhy should people follow me? Why would I follow someone like me?ā. Once you find your niche you can begin to cultivate your brand and target your desired audience. You want to eventually find that perfect balance between giving the people what they want and just being yourself.
Now let’s talk numbers! There’s no way to truly know when the best time to post is. You want to post 3-7 times a week and at times when your followers are most active online. If you haven’t already, switch your instagram settings over to a business account so you can view your stats and figure out when your followers are most active. However, this isn’t fool proof and youāll have to find the best time to post through trial and error. Keep in mind that these optimal days and times will change because peoples internet habits change and so does the algorithm. Speaking of the algorithm, it’s not your friend. Those little social media robots run a tight ship! To play nice with the robots be sure to engage with other accounts as much as possible with not only likes but also comments containing more than four words. This is what you need on your posts too! To encourage your followers to comment something longer than āCute!ā try asking a question in your caption. The more you engage back and forth the more the algorithm will love you. Itās also helpful to utilize new features on instagram like IGTV, polls, question box, quizzes etc. Instagram favors accounts that use these features and they are a great way to engage your followers!
Hashtags can be a great way to target your audience! Instagram allows you to post up to 30 hashtags and you should post as many as possible. You want to pick very specific hashtags and avoid the most popular ones. For example, you might want to avoid #ootd and instead use #ootd curvy. You can also tag up to 20 accounts in your photo. Tag the places where you got your outfit, pages that feature accounts like yours, relevant organizations, and public figures with a similar brand. It can also be super beneficial to collaborate with similar accounts! You could do a āshout-out for shout-outā with another account were you would post a picture from each others pages. You can get super creative with it! The other day I saw a collab with four fashion bloggers (one of which is my good friend Shannon Grace! )where they each styled the same skirt different and then shared each others pics in their insta stories. I thought that was brilliant because it showcased their talent as fashion bloggers and reached three times the number of followers!
Something that is kind of scary is the risk of losing all of this hard work and awesome content youāve meticulously curated. Unfortunately all of the social media platforms we hold so near and dear reserve the right to delete us without warning! It happened to me recently and It was awful! I was about to hit 20K and *poof* my page vanished into thin air with no explanation. I learned a lot from that experience but the most valuable takeaway is always have aĀ back up pageĀ ! A back up page is just a second account you manage in case your main account gets deleted. You can tell all of your followers to also follow you there and even if you don’t post on your back up page often, you won’t have totally start from scratch in the event you lose your main page.
There’s really so much more to the brave new world of social media, I couldn’t possibly fit it all into one blog post! I have been getting a lot of questions about targeting your audience and securing brand partnerships so I plan on doing separate blog post for both! If you have specific questions or need guidance building your brand and social media following I am now offering Skype sessions for a flat rate of $75! We can talk as long as you need and I will help you in any way I can! Shoot me an emailĀ or a DMĀ if you want to chat more about working together!
At 9am CST I opened up my Instagram app as I do first thing every morning. Over the past year Instagram has become a huge part of my life. I began influencing in July of 2018 as a way to become more visible in the film and fashion industries and it quickly turned into so much more. I realized that I could help people by sharing my struggles and triumphs with mental health, body image, leaving an abusive marriage and navigating the entertainment industry as a plus size women. Iāve connected with thousands of amazing people who joined me in #standuptobeautystandards and together on my page @lexinimmo we created a community of fashion, inclusivity, and support! As of 2 AM CST (the last time I successfully logged in) I had 19,910 followers. So close to 20K. I was so excited.
But this morning when I opened up my app I wasnāt able to log in. I tried everything. Nothing worked. I called my mom and asked her to look up my page. It was gone. My brain immediately went in to damage control mode and for the past 4 hours Iāve emailed Instagram, messaged ALL my friends and family, posted on Facebook, started #FindLexi, created this back up page, DMd and followed so many people that Instagram put me in a ātime -outā. Iām so scared. Iāve worked so hard and Iāve come so far just to have everything be taken from me. This is my source of income. I have brand partnerships that Iām currently in the middle of! And most importantly my followers are gone-all those people I connected with. Hopefully they all find me here. Hopefully I get my account back. Hopefully I donāt lose all my sponsorships. Honestly I have no idea whatās going to happen. But one thing I know is that Iām loved. So many friends and colleagues have shared #FindLexi and offered support. Iām so moved by the kindness Iāve been shown today. I feel like Iām on a rollercoaster. Thank you for being here and thank you for caring.
I had the honor of being a part of singer songwriter Dani JackāsĀ newest project Hurt. As a survivor of assault, Dani wanted to write a song that all survivors could relate to and create a music video that gives us a voice and shows our strength. That incredible video premieres next month in conjunction with the Second Annual Acoustic Healing Benefit for Espere Community Counseling Center. Ā (Date: Monday, April 8th/Time: 7pm-10pm-ish/Location: Live Oak Nashville).
The event is free with an encouraged donated, and any profits that come from the video and benefit go straight to the Roots of Courage program for Espere. I will be there and I hope you will attend as well! This project is very close to my heart as a survivor of multiple assaults and also an abusive marriage. I try to be open about my experiences in hopes of encouraging others to come forward. So in the spirit of transparency: Iām not doing great right now.Ā
Iāve been battling some intense anxiety lately. Nightmares, panic attacks, changes in behavior. I though it was random or from the stress of being too busy. But I a realized it has everything to do with my (would be)anniversary. Last week marked the anniversary of what would have been 3 years of marriage with my abusive ex husband as well as the anniversary of when I found out he was having an affair. The weeks that followed were a nightmare as the abuse worsened, I reported him, and moved back home. I didnāt think I cared anymore because Iām strong and happy and he means nothing to me. But abuse and trauma runs deep and I canāt help but feel haunted by him.Ā
The abuse was mostly emotional. Gaslighting, withholding affection, ghosting, twisting my words and somehow always putting the blame of me. He made sure I was in a constant state of insecurity and that at the end of the day I was on my knees begging him to love me. After we married, and he was deployed he had an affair for 7 months of our 1 year of marriage. I realize now that he had probably cheated on me in the four years we dated.Ā
When he came back from deployment (in Spain doing clerical work by day and partying by night) he was angrier, bolder. He became physical with me, shoving, pulling, pinning me down, backing me into a closet, screaming and threatening me. He didnāt punch me in the face, choke me, or even leave a mark on me but we were certainly on our way. (Abuse always evolves and intensifies). We started couple therapy but it did nothing. He started hiding my car keys and stealing my debit card to control me. When I finally reported the abuse they found my card in his wallet. But it wasnāt enough proof. And the fact I told the therapist in private that I felt unsafe wasnāt enough proof. The navy told me that unless he left a mark on my skin that could be photographed, I had no case. All they could do was give me a 30 day protection order and make him leave the house until I moved out.Ā
So I reported his infidelity. He had to have some consequence for how he treated me. In the military itās āillegalā for a service member to cheat on their spouse and itās especially frowned up to do so with a fellow service member (which he did). They both confessed and he get zero punishment. No justice. Heās been promoted at least 3 times since I left in spring of 2017 (soon after our 1 Year anniversary).
This time two years ago I was living in hell. My mental health was at an all time low, and I felt hopeless and miserable. But little did I know that just a few months later Iād be back in Nashville with my support family enjoying the summer with friends and back on track to pursuing my passions. In many ways I moved on very quickly. I was happier almost instantly and began dating again with ease. But even two years later, when faced with the anniversary of our marriage in 2016, and our demise in 2017,Ā Iām plagued with feeling those emotions all over again.Ā
You never forget abuse. The hurt never goes away completely. But you are stronger than you know and you donāt have to live with pain everyday. You are not alone. Youāre going to be okay. Youāre a survivor. #hurtnomore
If you or someone you know is in need of assistance please call the national domestic abuse hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
When I was in middle school a boy asked me out and dated me for two months…on a dare. I was inspired to share this story after blogger Stephanie Yeboah ( http://www.nerdabouttown.com ) shared her personal expertise with being asked out on a dare. I highly recommend her blog, instagram, and twitter so make sure you follow her!
Me at 13 holding my baby sister
We were in 7th grade and I had just turned 13. I had previously transferred to an arts magnet school but had to transfer back to my zoned school mid year due to severe bullying (including death threats) for being fat. Kids would grab my stomach and shake it, stick pencils and markers down my pants while I sat in class, push me in the hallways, and say horrible things, most of which iv’e blocked out of my memory. When asked for guidance on how to handle the bullying, the principle at the magnet school told my my parents that I should stop drawing attention to myself and lay low…yikes. So even though I had been bullied at my zoned school as well, I didn’t rice death threats and the prickle was slightly more receptive. So there I am, middle of the year in the 7th grade, vulnerable and defeated. Then along came Zack (name NOT changed because fuck you, dude).
Zack was new to school too, but from another state so he was even newer than me and knew no one. He was small and cute with a Justin Bieber vibe (before JB was a thing). I don’t remember what class we had together because middle school was genuinely so traumatic I blocked most of it out of my memory (except that one time I left my hello kitty coffee travel mug full of coffee in my locker for a week and it got all chunky and gross. that I will never forget.). Zack was tan, word a puka bead necklace and smelled strongly of axe body spray. When I saw him I immediately passed a note to my friend telling her how cute I thought Zack was. She replied that her boyfriend and Zack were friends and she could try to set us up. OMG!
After many notes passed and flirting at the local skate park where Zack and my friends boyfriend made very failed attempts at skate boarding, Zack asked me to be his girlfriend. For about two months the four of us went to movie and coffee shops and had inside jokes. Zack was the second boy I had ever kissed but the first one I had other physical experiences with, making our bond feel very real and intense to my naive teenage brain. Ā Everything was so perfect and such a relief from the abuse school environment I had escaped. I felt like I belonged and maybe the years or relentless bullying were behind me. Little did I know Melanie had other plans for me (name NOT changed because fuck you Melanie!).
I don’t remember how Zack dumped me. I don’t know if it was over the phone, or in a note, or to my face. All I remember is sitting in the bleachers in gym glass sobbing like there had been a death. I was surround by a few girlfriends one of which was my best friends friend Melanie. Melanie and I were friends in 5th grade but some odd unspoken rivalry began to brew either because she was bored or because we were both actresses and she felt threatened. She was always catty and snarky to me but in a subtle enough way that kept her from getting in trouble at school and tricked our other friends into thinking she was nice. Sounds kind of like Regina George from Mean Girls, right? Well Melanie would have taken that as a compliment. If your familiar with Mean Girls, Melanie was Regina, I was Caddy and my best friend was a combo of Karen and Gretchen. (It was 2005 so obviously Mean Girls was a huge part of our lives.)
While comforting me on the bleachers with the other girls, Melanie called Zack over and told him to hug me. It was super awkward and strange that 1. my ex was comforting me about OUR breakup and 2. he did what she told him to do. After school I was supposed to go to drama club, which consisted of mostly 5th graders who had no idea what they were doing, Melanie, and me. I considered skipping but decided it would be a good outlet for my emotions. When I arrived everyone was seated in a circle of chairs and sitting right next to Melanie was-Zack!? I sat down, totally in shock and the drama teacher says “Everyone, welcome our new member Zack!”. People clapped. I held back vomit. Melanie then puts her arm around Zack and gently touches his nose saying “Alexis, don’t you think his little sunburn is cute? I think its cute.” Some one call a priest to exercise the regina George demon out of this bitches body!
I ran out of the room crying, and had a full blown panic attack in the bathroom. My best friend got out of cheer practice and I rode home with her, still sobbing uncontrollably. I remember her dad sweetly asking “is there anything I can do?” and my best friend saying “I don’t think so.”. We watch Selena and Gilmore Girls and I cried so much I’m surprised I didn’t need IV fluids. Later that night Zack called me to apologize. Thats when he told me that he had asked me out on a dare. He asked Melanie out months ago and she rejected him. when he persisted she dared him to ask me out instead and said if he did and reported every little detail of our relationship back to her and then broke up with me, that she would reward him by going out with him. I had never felt so violated before. Even all the verbal and physical abuse and the death threats at my old school, this was the most demoralizing thing that had ever been done to me. Our entire relationship had been a lie and a joke. I was broken.
Thankfully High School was a different story. I had boyfriends and good friends and people thought I was hot. There were plenty of people who hated me and thought I was gross but It was much more even. But I never really shook that shame and humiliation from years of extreme bullying and it manifested in codependent and paranoid behavior in my relationships and friendships. Thats because people thinking you’re hot doesn’t fix your problems. You have to love yourself to be happy. It wasn’t until the past few years that I finally became the strong unbreakable woman I am today. Ā COME AT ME MELANIE.
Something I need people reading this to understand is this happens to fat poeple all the time. I promise almost every single fat person has a story about being the butt of a dating dare or joke. When I read Stephanie Yeboah’s story online and read the comments they were divided into two types of people. People who are/were fat and had a similar experience and people who are not fat and blame HER for what happened to her. Let me make this very clear: a person being fat doesn’t give someone that right to abuse them verbally or physically. Someone else weight is not only none of your business but its absolutely not free pass to say or do whatever you want to them. Fat people deserve respect, period. We don’t owe you thinness. Being thin is not a requirement from being treated with basic human decency.
To my fellow plus size girls and women, you are beautiful. You’re more than a body and you are worthy of respect and love. There are more people in this world who accept you than there are who don’t, but unfortunately hate is louder. #standuptobeautystandards and show the world you don’t need anyones permission to love yourself. They don’t like like it? They can kiss our fat asses!
I love this shimmery gold top from Jessica London. Itās so soft on the inside which can be rare when it comes to sparkly clothing. And as an added comfort itās actually super stretchy! This is the perfect top to pair with casual jeans, a tutu skirt, a sleek pencil skirt, leather pants or pretty much anything because sparkles are the new black!
Stand Up To Beauty Standards 